Defensive

I was a guest last Friday night.

Two older women at the table started talking very casually about a number of "converts" in the community very openly. They were talking about these people fondly, not saying a thing negative. But something about it made me feel really uncomfortable. One person said how amazed she was hearing the path that many of these converts had taken to get to where they were. The other seemed to think that conversion simply involved doing 2 years of study. Neither seemed to know that it is a heart-wrenching process.

And for some reason this made me really defensive.

And I got a little carried away.

I didn't say a word until someone said, "I heard that in _____________ it doesn't take as long." and someone else said, "Oh, those aren't Orthodox conversions." They simply didn't know what actually happens in a Beit Din.

So I jumped in and don't even remember all that much of what I said except that sometimes it takes years and years. I said I'd known people who waited for 5 years and had done everything the Beit Din said but they still weren't converted and didn't know why. I complained about how some rabbis simply lose their calendars and so conversions take way too long.

I said a bunch of other stuff too.

I don't know why I did. I could have stayed quiet. I don't think anything I actually said served a purpose and I'm not even sure how much of it was true. If anything I might have cautioned them not to talk about converts behind their backs, even lovingly.

Clearly I've got some stuff to work through here.

At some point it would be really good to have a long and candid talk with a good down-to-earth rabbi who believes in the process but who is willing to hear stories from "the other side." From a sincere convert's perspective.

I'm still too stuck in my own issues to think about the reasons a beit din operates the way it does.